•December 4, 2007 • Leave a Comment

iPods! Within just 10 years we have advanced from walkmans- each CD holding around 20 tracks, to MP3 players with obscene amounts of storage, Apple has recently released the new “iPod Classic” which is available in the 160GB model, this is 40,000 songs, or a pile of CD’s as high as the Apple headquarters….. probably. But who in the world actually has 40,000 songs? This raises the question- is there even 40,000 songs in existance? And if all 40,000 songs were purchased from the Apple Music Store, this would cost over £20,000 ($35-40,000). A part of me really regrets buying my iPod, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I got it, but I cringe when I think of where my precious money’s ended up- straight up Steve Jobb’s ass, that’s where!

iPod’s do indeed have a certain something, so clean, sleak, and stylish, with a very ergonomic interface. But they are almost too perfect, sitting there perfectly and staring back at me with their perfect LCD screen and perfect little clickwheel. I’m not saying I hate my iPod, but a part of me really just wants to chuck it out the window.

Now I shall begin listing the iPod’s endless unseen faults and annoyances. For a start the iTunes music store, you really don’t get your money’s worth spending 79p (they’re 99c in US i think.) on a song. You paid for one, so you can only have it on one iPod. So if you buy a song and want to share it with your brother, sister, girlfriend, cousin, or whoever, you have to pay for it… again. But if you buy the song on a CD you can share it with as many people as you like. Sounds a bit fishy to me. Now, iPod’s have a reputation for breaking, and let me tell you this- they do. I have heard countless tales of iPod’s ending up at the bottom of a drawer. If it does break, you can send it to Apple and they will fix it for you. Expect it to get lost in the post or in Apple’s pockets. You ain’t seeing your precious again. iTunes- the most annoying program ever made, probably. I really really hate this little shit of a program. Since getting my iPod and iTunes i have had no fewer than eleven bluescreens as a result, uninstalled iTunes, never seen a bluescreen since. Now, I know this is not a common occurance but I have a sneaky suspicion it’s because I’m using Windows Vista- Mac OSX’s arch enemy. I suspect some smartass at Apple purposely made it incompatible with Vista, I’m sure Steve gave him a promotion. Now for the final ultimate annoyance in the history of iPod’s, and this one’s completely absolutely positively just because Apple can. Ok, so you’ve just put a text file on your iPod to view on the train or something, perhaps an EBook, or just a little personal reminder. You open it up, scroll down with the perfect little clickwheel, and low and behold the text just stops after a while. Why is this? It’s because Apple purposely limit the amount of characters displayed- come on it’s not like there isn’t enough hard disk space, it is purely Apple being total and utter bastards.

So why is the iPod so successful? Well, Apple designed the iTunes software and the iPod itself for idiots, and they marketed it for the widest target audience possible, which incidently are the idiots. And that, my friend, is why the iPod is so successful.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to spend some time with my iPod.



Spend Spend Spend.

•December 1, 2007 • Leave a Comment

What I can’t understand is why people don’t save their money. They just get they’re paycheck, walk out the door and down the street and then spend it on some commercial bullshit- Paris Hilton perfume for example, or some stupidly overpriced and aesthetically challenged gold watch. Why? Why do people not understand the advantages of saving their money for another day. I’ll tell you what it is shall I? Greed. That’s what. See, a long time ago when we lived in caves greed was a good thing, the greediest person gets the most food, the best land, and ultimately lives the longest. But now humanity has gone beyond that stage- people just buy their food in the supermarket and the ones with the most money get the best land. So now we have everything we need to live comfortably and so that greed factor is not fulfilled; so instead of buying food, people buy stuff to make up for it, and thats why people spend their money on Paris Hilton.


•November 30, 2007 • 3 Comments

Ok, chavs, where shall I begin? If you don’t already know what a chav is (think yourself lucky) then I shall attempt to explain. A chav is basically a burden on society, an antisocial monster, a piece of worthless corrupted youth, and generally a pain in the backside. Now then, chavs have not always been in existance, nope, they appeared virtually over night. 50 years ago everybody was nice and respectful to one an other, people could walk to the shop and buy a paper without locking their front door, they could go into town and be greeted kindly by complete strangers, and the nice local milkman even delivered their milk for them and carefully placed it on their lovely little perfect doorstep. But now it is a different matter. Very different. No longer can anybody leave their front door without locking it, no longer can people go for a nice morning shopping trip, and no longer can somebody have their milk delivered to their doorstep, oh no! Instead their houses get raided by nosy thieving mongrels, instead of morning welcomes in the town they receive foul abuse, and even the milk gets kicked up the street by some twattish yobbo! And we all know whoe’s responsible don’t we people? Why yes! It’s nothing more than a common chav, a rat of society.

That’s what a chav is. They sound lovely don’t they? Well let me continue by providing, you, the reader, with some more interesting little details!

There are many little interesting traits which are generically characteristic of a chav. For a start, chavs are never at home; perhaps they don’t have houses, perhaps they live in flocks outdoors like sheep, or perhaps they’re scared to go home incase their ugly rat arsed father beats them to within an inch of their lives because they won’t give him the last fag in the pack, we will never know. The point is, they’re always roaming the streets. They always prowl around in little packs, with their hooded sweaters done up concealing the ugliness inside. They congregate in groups around bus stops and playgrounds, and on street corners, discussing things of the upmost unimportance and smoking fags or drinking cheap cider from Tesco’s. Another thing is chav clothing. They don’t wear normal clothes like you and I, they wear sports clothes- designer labels. Reebok, Nike, Adidas, Kappa, no avid sportsman in their right mind wears this crap- but chavs find them strangely attractive somehow. Chavs almost always wear tracksuit bottoms- if you glimpse 2 vertical white stripes in the corner of your eye, you better start running. The final worst chav accessories that I simply despise are those huge fucking hoop earrings, I mean, they’re trying to make their appearance better but it just ain’t working!

Chav past times include drinking, smoking, bunking from school, getting pregnant, leaving their satanic graffiti on every surface available and hurling abuse at poor handicapped old ladies. Many a time have I seen an old pensioner or war veteran slowly limping past a group of these bastards and I can see inside that they are really cowering in fear and holding tightly for dear life onto their walking sticks.

In recent years the chav population has increased- slowly at first, but now at a phenominal rate. Why, I hear you ask? Well let me tell you why- they are going at it like fucking rabbits! It is not uncommon in England to see a chavvy mother of 17 with a push chair full of they’re little yapping inbred offspring. Another load of them on the production line, with a little luck they will me fully matured by the time they are 14!

I could go on all day about these little shits of society but I must stop somewhere so I will finish off. England used to be nice, but no longer is that the case, because chavs are making England the shit hole that it is. England has had its time at the top, and it’s on the way down, and the chavs are the sole cause. So let us unite and wipe them off the face of the Earth forever, and let England reclaim its former respectable glory!

If your feeling brave here is a picture of a chav you might want to get a bucket first! Viewer discretion advised.

Tell me what you think, have a nice day!